WellesleyWeston Magazine

SUMMER 2018

Launched in 2005, WellesleyWeston Magazine is a quarterly publication tailored to Wellesley and Weston residents and edited to enrich the experience of living in two of Massachusetts' most desirable communities.

Issue link: https://wellesleywestonmagazine.epubxp.com/i/978308

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through in another city?" says S., a Wellesley resident who asked to remain anonymous in order to protect her son's privacy. Add college debt and the triple whammy of first and last month's rent plus security deposit required by some local landlords, and prepare to watch the per- fect launch plan fizzle. Instead of handwringing over a delayed send-off, many parents see these periods as stolen time with a son or daughter who may never live at home again. "We knew it wasn't forever," says E., a Weston parent who also requested anonymity. All three of her children came home for extended periods post-college. "We thought it was a treat to have them home as functioning adults, and we could appreciate who our kids were," she said. Many kids return the compliment. "I felt very supported by my parents because I took the first job I was offered, and it was nice to be home to take some time to see if the job was a fit for me," says Michelle Mannheim. In addition to some breathing space, the other obvious upside to an extended homestay is the chance to save money. "I had a plan to live at home for one year in order to pay for grad school," says Wellesley resi- dent, Bill Pedersen. Michelle was able to finance her entire business school tuition through savings. Geltman warns, though, that while this ADVICE FROM THE EXPERTS Here are some tips from Christina Newberry and Joani Geltman to help parents and their adult children navigate an extended stay at home. n PLAN IN ADVANCE. Start from a place of under- standing, but don't assume everything will go smoothly. Parents need to acknowledge that coming home is difficult, but it's important to review past behaviors and discuss how the living situation will be different going forward. n DISCUSS EXPECTATIONS. Have a clear conversa- tion with your adult child and put it in writing. Establish a contract that outlines the length of stay at home, contributions to the household, whether a boyfriend or girlfriend can spend the night, or any other ground rules that need discussing. n INSIST ON A COOPERATIVE HOUSEHOLD. Parents should not take on too many household chores like doing laundry or making lunches. n CONTRIBUTE TO HOUSEHOLD FINANCES. There should be some "remuneration" for extended time at home. Adults have monthly bills and should work with their children on getting used to that model. It can offset increased costs to the household, and it's good for a child's self-esteem. If the child is generating no income, he or she can do chores that would otherwise cost their parents money, like painting or cleaning the gutters. Everyday chores should be a given and not count toward rent. n COMMUNICATE. Everyone needs to be open and honest about what they need to make the situation work. Regular check-ins help make sure that those needs are being met. n GET A JOB. If grown children are looking for a full-time job, after a certain amount of time, those children should get a part-time job — no one should be loafing around. n SET GOALS. Ask your job-seeking child for a weekly accounting of what was accomplished toward reaching his or her goal. How many calls were made? How many resumes sent? How many meetings were held? C A R T O O N S T O C K . C O M 108 W e l l e s l e y W e s t o n M a g a z i n e | s u m m e r 2 0 1 8 They're Back!

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