WellesleyWeston Magazine

WINTER 2014/2015

Launched in 2005, WellesleyWeston Magazine is a quarterly publication tailored to Wellesley and Weston residents and edited to enrich the experience of living in two of Massachusetts' most desirable communities.

Issue link: https://wellesleywestonmagazine.epubxp.com/i/410492

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Page 186 of 227

happen, in a quantifiable way, was mind- blowing for me. How has this experience changed you — aspects of your personality and your relationships with people? One of the gifts of going through this process is you realize the deep humanity out there in so many people. I think losing a child is uni- versally considered to be the worst experi- ence one can have, and I was really touched by the kindness in people. Over time that softened something in me and, no question, has allowed me to be more open-minded and generous toward other people in ways I may not have been before. I think I am much softer with my chil- dren. I thought I was soft before, but I am much more open to sitting back and letting them be who they are, and not imposing who I think they ought to be as much, which is something we all struggle with as par- ents. My children, my relationship with their father [her ex-husband], and friends and family members — there's a softening when you've been rubbed that raw by pain. There's also, however, a hardening. The threshold for the suffering of others goes way down. When situations have a strong impact on how I or someone I love is mov- ing through the world, I am much more likely to say something than I was before. I think you sort of suffer into wisdom, is the expression. Could you ever have imagined this is where you'd be in ten years, in those first few difficult months? I wanted someone to say to me, "You can get to that place and I'm living proof." If I had had this book, I would have clung to it and said, "Yes, that will be me." But it wasn't there. I didn't dare dream it because I was so shattered. I wanted to die initially, but once it became clear I was going to live, I slowly moved on by small baby steps toward a better outcome. 185 w i n t e r 2 0 1 4 / 2 0 1 5 | W e l l e s l e y W e s t o n M a g a z i n e

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